He’s Not The One

He’s Not the One

“Lord, take these feelings away if it’s not from you”

I’ve been praying or telling God that statement since last year (or years).
Well you all know the cliché lovey-dovey feeling of youth nowadays and I was so close to becoming the next Cupid’s victim. But I wasn’t (thank God).

I’ve always been the typical girl who repeatedly says “True Love Waits”; I often think and say that it’s one of my principles but reality suddenly struck me like lightning. It was not my principle but one of my ways to convince my mind, heart and soul. During those moments, vulnerability is at its finest. I am well aware that I am standing by the edge of the knife, a very sharp and stiff one. And because of this, I was led to a complicated situation which is the last thing in my mind.

Even though I never had that so-called “other half” but still, I’ve always been drawn to too many moments wherein I put my heart in line. Still, thank heavens God was able to hold my hand while standing by the edge of that knife.

I’ve always been an avid fan of fairytales and romantic movies wherein a certain prince will save you while you are portraying a damsel in distress. I’ve believed that a certain prince will end your miseries. I’ve believed that the only thing that can atone this hopelessness in my heart is a heart that I know that will love me. To my surprise, I’ve been looking at a wrong time, wrong place and certainly at a wrong person.

He’s not the one mainly because he is not the one truly for me. Let’s face it guys, true love should make you, not break you. Whenever he instantly pops in my mind, instead of having this flattering-gooey feeling, I feel rejected, hopeless and neglected. Well, technically, I just overreacted on what I said but that is exactly how I felt whenever he suddenly pops in my weary and confused mind.

He’s not the one because I already lost my feelings towards him. Like what I said at the first statement, I do not even have a single clue when I started praying that heart-breaking prayer but this is what I know, I’ve been praying for that prayer earnestly since the past few months (or years?) and amazingly and miraculously it worked. (This saved me from feeling so lost, thank God)

He’s not the one because I believe he already found the one he loves. (This is not only limited to a relationship, maybe he already found his truest desire which is a huge clash of my faith and principle) We all know that we can never compete with someone or something if he truly loves this certain someone or certain thing. All we have to do is let it go. (Insert tune of Let It Go)

I dreamt of him as someone whom I will never lose not because no one will take him but because he will never leave me. That is the hugest lie I had ever faced. An inspiring quote popped in my mind: If God can remove someone you never dreamed of losing. He can replace them with someone you never dreamed of having. This quote simply eased my very nerves and calmed my very erratic heart. Maybe I still have hope, maybe there’s still someone out there patiently waiting for a go signal from my King. Maybe, just maybe… We never truly know. God works in ways we cannot truly fathom and He does it for our own benefit.

Maybe I just have to earnestly wait for him then…

Maybe I just have to entrust everything to Him from now on… and give Him back the pen and let Him continue to write my love story.

To someone who will soon be my only one, I love you and always will even though I technically do not know you (or maybe I already know you, I just have not realized yet that it’s you)… wait for me.