A heart that always understands…
also gets tired.
Part of me still wanted to continue..
Part of me still wanted to hold on..
Part of me is slowly starting to give up.
Part of me is starting to feel exhausted…
Part of me wants to let go..
Because to be honest… it’s so draining.
I hope you won’t give up on me..
Because these past few days trials have tested my innermost being… it tested me physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I hope you won’t get tired of me..
Because, to be honest…
I am starting to feel tired for myself. I also get empty, I am also susceptible to tiredness… I also get tired… why do I feel that I am the only one making this work?
Or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me.
Maybe, my mind and my heart betrayed me through the make-up scenarios and assumptions which these two (as a tandem) have crafted.
So please.. do me this favor. If you’re going to leave. Inform me. Remind me. Because my heart can only take an ounce of an unexpected blow from you. If you’ll stop being there for me, please continue to do so. So that my heart will get used to it. So that I’ll get used to it. Actually you’re already doing me this favor… please continue on what you’re doing.. So that I would learn.
I saw this coming. That precious things don’t last in this temporary world. That things will constantly drift apart… that the only constant thing in this world is change.
This time… although this may be hard. I hope you help me get through this by continuing the non-existent connection that we’ve established.
I hope you’re happy. I will always wish for your constant happiness no matter what.
Thank you for everything.
This time.. I am not only letting you go.. but also the thoughts about you that kept on bombarding my weary mind. This time… I am removing you and the space that you have used up in my heart.
This may be hard, but with God’s grace and through time, I’ll be able to attain this.
But always know that, you would always still have a special space in my heart.
Ugh, let’s stop this writing.
Through writing… it has made my life into a huge mess. Through writing… it made simple things into complex ones.
It is through writing that things started to get complicated. Everything started because my self-centered self started writing.
Maybe, I should stop all of this nonsense.. Writing didn’t do me any good. Here I thought that this will be therapeutic in nature… Here I thought it would build me up and supplement my well-being..
But all positive thoughts regarding writing went to the trash bin. I failed to realize that it is slowly destroying me.
Maybe… in order to cope. I should stop this.
So right now, I hope you won’t blame yourself. I am blaming my whole being for this… I am going to blame my heart amd my mind for perpetrating such thoughts that did not do any good for me at all.
So for the nth and last time… (hopefully.. if I can survive without writing — AS IF 😂)…
I hope that all of these things would finally stop.
Because I am so tired, as a person… as a being… as a human.
~ H (October 8, 2017; 12:26am)
p.s. didn’t edit this or what… too tired to proofread. Also, this is a free verse or free entry-ish type or approach. I just did a Free Association Therapeutic mehod through writing… to vent out the things that has been haunting my weary mind.