I dreamt about you…

I dreamt about you.
It felt to surreal, so real. It’s as if I am in a reality because I heard your laugh, I felt your touch. It was a mixture of reality and fantasy. I had trouble distinguishing if this is real because everything doesn’t make any sense. 

The setting of the dream is gloomy, but despite the circumstances we are facing, I felt like I am in summer. I felt like the sun came from your smile, the soft uv rays flashed from your laugh. Everything felt serene… everything was perfect. We constantly laughed and shared stories and tales older than time. You were there listening. At times we’ll be quiet because we are so immersed with books while in the coffee shop. This is a scene that I have always pictured… and now it’s here. Then you stood up and tried walking.. your pacing started to speed up but then you checked up on me.

I had trouble catching up, I was so anxious that you’re about to leave. I felt so scared that you’ll leave. But there you are, in your waiting stance, as if impatience didn’t keep up with you. As soon as you saw my face, your mood suddenly lightened up and right then and there I am so blessed that you waited for me.

But then you started walking again. I kept asking where are you going? But you maintained your walking pace… you didn’t even try turning around to check on me. Why do I feel that this is goodbye? Hello, I have small steps so this time I tried running. I tried running towards you. But I am a minute too late, a second too late. 

You took a cab, and then headed to some place only God knows where. But because of my determined self I tried catching up with you. I tried taking a cab even though all my belongings are with you. I am willing to risk this, just to have you. But as soon as your cab took a sharp curve… you were gone like a popped bubble. No traces or evidence of you. Nothing that could state that you ever existed. 

You took everything to me.. You robbed my whole being. But I do not regret everything. I do not regret investing my time, my life, and my whole being to you even if it means that I won’t get anything in return. 

I will always be thankful for our little infinity. It will remain in my heart, my mind, my soul, and my whole being.

Then I woke up. 

I am so not ready for these feels. I do not want to assess this dream but it is pretty obvious right now. It is obvious that you are the content of my thoughts, the reason behind my emotions. Even the collective unconscious says the same. 

However the last part, maybe God has a different message. Maybe He is slowly unlatching the unwanted truth that I am terribly scared to face. Maybe this time.. I need to stop, to end this pain-stricken admiration, and to move on.

But the thing is…

How do I stop? 
~ H (July 10, 2017; 11:18am)

The Orange Flower And My Lucid Dream

I can clearly remember my dream but I do not fully understand it.
If I am going to write the whole dream, it would take me a lifetime just to finish writing that dream. (Believe me)
All I can say is that I am walking in an aisle as white as snow, my heart skipping a beat as I step. Everything was a blur but it seems like everything was calm. Everyone is smiling, while having tears in their very eyes. This scenario raised so many questions in my weary mind. Then an idea struck me.
This is a wedding.
I am the bride.
Oh, did I forget to mention…
It was an arranged marriage.
As I reached the end of the terribly long aisle, I am still unable to see my groom because of my white veil. He handed me orange flowers (the flower above is the closest thing I can find).Image 

It was strange because my groom handed me my bouquet which is I am supposed to be holding while walking the aisle. Anyways, he offered his hand so he can help me at the stairs. Everyone was silent, patiently waiting for me to hold on to his hand. By the time I held his hand.

That’s when I finally knew.
I recognized him.
I know him.
He’s the person that I loved.
It’s so strange because by the time I saw him. I saw his warm smile, his teary eyes, every bit of his perfect features.
But still I find it strange again for me because I know that this is a dream but what is this foreign feeling inside me? I could not simply put it into words.
My cheeks began to get wet as fresh tears began to immerse in my eyes. Tears? (Yep, tears)
I could not fathom what I am feeling. Are these tears of joy?
Finally, after the ceremony, everything I see is simple bliss. My parents are smiling at me, my brothers and sister playfully teasing us and calling names. Close friends began hugging us, Everyone’s happy, He’s also happy, I can tell… because of his contagious smile.
That’s when I realized…
I am also happy
and..
I still love him.
*Then I woke up.

This dream has been bothering me since then. I dunno why, but I know it has a meaning, I believe that it has one. All of my dreams have a meaning but I could not find one for this dream. I recognize the guy, in fact I know him. I just wanted to know why I had that dream.

~December 31, 2013
#18