Everything suddenly makes sense…
Everything suddenly makes sense… everything suddenly adds up… all my theoretical assumptions has been proven and supported by reliable sources.
It hurts that such thoughts of mine has been backed up with citations that can be deemed by the APA administration to be acceptable. It hurts to know that all my overthinking and constant panic thoughts were all true.
They broke the sad news.. the unfortunate news that I have been dreading to hear.. finally, someone yet again crashed my spirits… someone finally broke the ice, someone finally bluntly stated that I am not the one you are yearning for…
I am not the reason of your smile, of your admiration, of your inspiration… it hurts. It freaking hurts.
They told me that I need to stop expecting.. they told me to stop investing my time on you.. they told me to move on… to repress all of these things.
Every distance I make hurts like hell… every stride I make away from you are torture to my whole being.
I wish all of this is just a nightmare… I can’t wait to wake up from this torturous and deep slumber… It hurts, everything hurts…
Here I thought I am going to be sent to the ER again, because the heaviness of my heart can’t be contained by my physiological being…
Where are the people who said they will never leave? Where are they when I needed them most? I needed saving from everything that this world has embraced me.
~H (August 30, 2017; 6:43pm)
Jusko, mahirap ba akong mahalin?
Ayaw ko na.
Pagod na pagod na ako.