You noticed the small details in me.

How you would compliment me when my forehead is crunched due to frustration…
How my eyes would lit up when the food is served.
You emphasized how cute small wrinkles showed up in my weary face while concentrating in my acads… and wishing that I would stay that way in the wavelength of your definition of perfection.
However… these are just the things that romanticizes the whole situation… failing to take notice of my whole being…

You failed to fall in love with my flaws… with my mistakes, with my past.
You never understood me… for in your line of sight there was the perfect me… in your line of thought there was the beautiful me…
Little did you know that I am a beautifully-flawed individual… these blemishes made up my soul, my heart, and my whole being…
I appreciate your perception… on how blind optimism slowly laced your being… however can’t you realize that you are being plagued with lies and deception?
Stop holding on to a fake imagery of mine… and please let me go. Because I don’t want you to get hurt in the process… while the damage is still not plenty, while the symptoms are still at its early onset.
Go back to the safe place where you belong.
3:39am March 20, 2018


Parallel Universe

Maybe in a parallel universe…

both of us would walk the same path…

hold the same warm hands…

whisper the same words.
a concept of reciprocity will begin to exist.

all erratic pain will cease to exist.

Right then and there… all will fall in its rightful place.
Two hearts finally beating as one. 
Beloved.. where are you? 

I am relentlessly waiting.
~ H (March 14, 2018; 1:39am)

p.s. finally got an excuse to post my pics lol. forgive my vanity please 😹


Pleasee find yourself.

If you still failed to look for yourself…

Then please allow yourself to be found.
If these two things still failed.

Then get lost..

Get lost in my eyes.. in my world, in my universe.
Let’s both get lost and not be found.

Because in you I found me. In me, you found you. 
~H (January 3, 2018; 3:27pm)


“Am I not enough? You know, you could rely on me too”

I stepped closer to him and held his gaze for a long time.

“You have always been more than enough for me… but I don’t know if I am enough for you too…

If I am able to fill in the empty gaps… If I am able to provide warmth for both of us that could last a lifetime…

I am scared to lose you, to lose all of these beautiful things.”

~H (January 30, 2018; 11:11pm)

  • Not my initial composition because my stupid-self showed up and accidentally pressed delete in my notepad… I know that the first one I did was the best one compared to this. Don’t worry… more or less they have the same context.


How does one escape death?

How does one cope with this immense stress?

How does one continue their life as if nothing tragic has ever happened?

How do you deal with brokenness? With all the shattered pieces? With all these tremendous pain?

My heart already has its glitches… its deformities, and inferiorities… It cannot take another beating again.

That’s the thing about death… they only ruin you and leave you devastated one’s it has served its purpose.

What a cruel world we live in.

Heaven gained another angel today. 

May your soul rest in peace.

~H (February 14, 2018 3:03am)

p.s. sorry for a very unparalleled composition. my thoughts are incoherent and my mind is in a chaotic state right now.

You aren’t in love with me.

See? I told you.. 

eventually you got tired of me.
Clarity suddenly embraced me like a newly-cleaned glass. 

Eventually, you weren’t that faithful at all. 

And it was fate that told me to stop all emotional and mental processes that are linked to you. 
I’ve had enough players that can last me more than a lifetime. 

I deserve far better than this. I deserve more from this world nearly drenched with every bit of negativity. 
And lastly, I just want to conclude…
You aren’t in love with me. Your heart doesn’t beat passionately… A rhythmic beat that cannot dwell to my symphony.

You aren’t in love with me… Your mind is filld with nonsensical things that clouded your judgement, your perception, and your whole being.

You aren’t in love with my being, with my fiery heart, mysterious soul, and tantalizing eyes… you are only in love with the idea that I am new, that I am convenient, that I am easy. 

You are in love with the thought of having the same interest, same tastes, same locality…

So please, retrace your steps… Look back and delve deep to the depths of your weary heart and tired soul. So you can prevent yourself from burning. So you can prevent yourself from hurting. So you can prevent yourself from crying your heart out like I did. 

Go back, before it’s too late.

~ H (January 17, 2017; 12:06am)

5pm thoughts

I just realized that I have been quite selfish recently…
I have taken things for granted…
It finally dawned to me that…
My body doesn’t have the qualifications to like or love anyone right now. 
Sick self, please heal your heart soon. 
~ H (January 15, 2018; 5:26pm)

January 2nd

Day two
















to an



























I don’t know what could be the best title for this writing piece… I hope you help me out with this.

Here it goes… another writing entry.


He entered the music room with his sleek shoes noisily tik and tak… it’s as if he is sporting a new commercial or modeling his profligate being.


I still continued on playing the piano, it has been ages since I last played and to be honest I can feel myself slightly rusty due to my unused talent. He proceeded to lean on the piano and looked at me.


“When was the time my fingers last graced over these white and black keys?” I asked as I continue to gracefully press the rustic keys of this piano. I shifted to the key of D on a different octave… my favorite piece started to fill the Christmas air.


“I don’t know, you ask him” He tapped the piano and guffawed. He then proceeded to situate himself at my back and tried reading my clumsy notes that I have been hastily writing on for the past hour.


I can feel the intense weight of his curiosity as he tried to make sense with the nonsensical notes that I’ve written in my music book… notes that I believe won’t make sense in the eyes of a non-musician like him. I stopped playing and faced him.


“I am working on a musical piece… I am trying to compose one again” I explained and faced the piano again.

“What for?” His voice suddenly lightened up.

“I don’t know… the last composition that I did was ages ago… maybe during my Highschool years and part of me wanted to compose again.”

“And you’re planning to consolidate all these instruments to the said piece?” He waved over his hand to all the instruments inside this music room.

“Yep” I popped the ‘p’ and proceeded playing the piano.

“Cool” He sighed with awe and proceeded to lean on the piano once again, facing me.

“I wish I could help you though” He stated. I stopped playing the piano and faced him.

“I wish you could” I heartily laughed and then shifted my attention to the acoustic guitar lying on the floor. I proceeded strumming, key G wafted down and filled the room.

“Ugh, what instruments can’t you play?”  He breathed with a mixture of awe and jealousy. I stopped strumming the guitar and seriously looked at him.




“A human’s heart” I whispered.


“A what?” Confusion laced his voice.


“I can never play a human’s heart nor have the right or ability to do so, I don’t have the heart to strum someone’s heartstrings and leave it once I am done using it.” 

~ H (November 26, 2017; 11:04am)


p.s. I don’t know where I got such inspiration to write this.
More personal excerpts coming soon. I found my old notebook filled with poetry and other nonsensical content way back 2014. If ever I finally have the time… I’ll gladly post it here. If ever I have TIME.

p.p.s I am starting to love writing short excerpts like this. I hope I’ll get to publish my collection soon. My journal’s running out of space for me to write. I don’t know if this is an indication that I need to stop, or I need another notebook to express myself thoroughly.