Why were you suddenly distant?
Is this your way of saying no? Is this your way of saying, I am not interested in you?
Your silence is killing me. Like a million stab wounds and a ruptured vein. You are starting to become my poison, my drug… that as time goes by… it will eventually lead me to my premature death.
I just wanted to know that I am getting there… so please.. don’t speed up the process. Don’t speed up the time I have left here on earth.
Even in my dreams, you were starting to become distant. I then realized that this is such a cruel world.
Even in my imaginations… you were so distant. The space that we have right now can be compared with the miles between the earth and the moon.
How are you? I hope you’re doing fine. I hope you’re doing well. I hope that all the anxieties and negativity of this world stop embracing you. Let them embrace me, let them hug me until they squeeze the life out of me. For in your life, their is so much potential compared to my blemished-self.
Still, thank you for doing the favor. For completely crashing my innermost being. For shattering my spirit and my soul. This is what I have been asking for so that I know where I will stand, so that I know where will I be… so that I know my limitations.
Eventually… I’ll stop. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow… but probably someday. When I really found someone who would make me forget about you, when I finally found someone who can reciprocate the love I freely give.
I know this will be hard. A million questions kept bombarding my weary mind. It led me to unanswerable questions, where answers are given after the trials and the strenuous tests.
How do I stop loving someone? How do I pull myself back together? How do I move on?
I tried googling the answers… however ERROR 404 showed up. And here I thought google knows everything.
So now, I’ll drown myself to academics and probably work. I needed a new circle… A new focus, a new hobby… something new that can distract me from these raging emotions and hope that this approach would somehow help me cope and move on.
~ H (August 10, 2017; 11:49am)