On this day, four years ago…
I remember I was in an island which most Filipinos sought after if they wanted to unwind. Although, I wasn’t there to just enjoy the scenery, I was there for a volunteer opportunity.
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I remember how I used to walk in the sandy beach barefooted, feeling in the warm fine sand at the very soles of my feet, salt in my hair due to the sea air, and sun kissed my tan skin.
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I remember I was talking to you during that time. I remember how my phone overheated because of hours spent talking to you, hoping that the gap and the distance between us would at least shorten.
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I remember how I randomly walked within the vicinity of that island after volunteer hours. How I mindlessly wander around and describe all the things that’s surrounding me in great detail while talking to you, hoping that you’re there to see it.
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I remember how I attempted to search for you in the sea of crowd even though I am fully aware that we’re miles apart. I am still hoping that at least someone would look the same as you, just to remind myself of what you look like. I try to see fragments and traces that will remind me of you, just to address this longingness that’s brewing deep inside me. Technology was a bit underdeveloped during that time that’s why I can only communicate with you through calls, I can only hear your voice but not see you.
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I remember lying down on the cold sand after doing a quick night stroll. It has become too noisy for me, the streets buzz with loud music, the environment started to illuminate with strobe lights just to set the bar-ish mood. My phone is still in my hand, holding it to my right ear. I am still listening to your voice despite the rowdy environment I am currently in. Your voice lulls me to sleep. As I try to breathe in the salty beach air and listen to the soft waves when the sea meets the shore… Your voice drowned all the noise that’s surrounding me. Your voice was like a lullaby, it calms all the chaos inside me.
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I remember everything as if it all happened just yesterday. Yet all these thing happened four years ago.
Right now, I know both of us have moved on and went on with our separate ways. I don’t know about you, but I am grateful I’ve moved on. Yet, regret kept knocking on my closed door. Will I open this door and let it in?
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On this day, four years ago,
I regret not choosing you.
I regret losing someone who has loved me the most.
~H
June 2, 2020
19:24 GMT+4
Arbitrary 