Of all people, the ones we least
expected to tear our hearts, are the
ones who stood first in line and
effortlessly stabbed you with utmost
force, directed to your still-wounded,
still-striving, and barely-surviving heart.
~ H
September 18, 2019
22:20
A/N: Well, I guess that’s life.
You lose some yet you win some.
Someday.
I hope…
I hope you were fine today…
It may have been the gloomiest due to external or internal factors, yet you are here…
Stil able to read, still able to write, and still able to comprehend.
I hope you weren’t lonely today…
Solitude could bring out the best and worst in you,
Let’s hope its not the latter though.
I hope you found time to rest today…
To be able to freely embrace the warm covers of your bed,
Lie without guilt and no deadlines and stress to haunt you now.
I hope you were able to eat today…
Not just your typical healthy and nutritious food coz that’s a given, but to be able to freely eat your comfort food is a plus, the one that is very rewarding.
I hope you were able to sleep today…
The sound sleep that you have been yearning for, the sound sleep that you truly deserve, the one that is restorative of your limitless exhaustion.
I hope you were able to laugh today…
The hearty one that depicts the sound of your jolly heart.
The one that echoes across the room, the one that drowns across the crowd.
If not…. Just like me…
I hope you have someone with you right now…
To help you drown those negative thoughts,
Thoughts that are self-defeating,
Thoughts that may sound true but doesn’t echo the truth,
Thoughts that adds on to the heavy weight in your chest right now.
I hope you have someone with you right now…
Someone who’d hug all your brokenness together like glue.
A scotch tape that tries to stick in all the broken pieces.
A band aid that tries to ease all the pain of the wound.
Not to mention, the alcohol that doesn’t only dulls your senses and judgment but also lulls you to sleep.
I hope you have someone with you right now…
Most especially at your very lowest, at your most weakest, your disheveled state that is self-injurious, a chaotic mess that made you more vulnerable than you ever be.
I hope you have someone with you right now…
Someone who doesn’t give you advise but just listens…
Someone who’s ready to lend an ear to hear and listen, someone who’s willing to be a shoulder that you could cry on, someone who lends a hand to wipe every tears you’ve shed. Because they know how crippling it is to be in this situation.
I hope you have someone with you right now…
Someone who doesn’t downplays what you have been going through, someone who doesn’t say that they’ve been through worse compared to yours, someone who completely understands and empathizes with you.
I hope you have someone with you right now…
Someone who doesn’t only pray for you but is also genuinely there for you through thick and thin, they let you know that they can be your refuge, your fortress, and your strength. Your daily reminder as you constantly battle with all the negativity which this world tries to throw at you…
I sincerely hope you have someone right now…
Someone who doesn’t leave when things get ugly (coz of your scars, your open wounds, and vulnerability) , someone who isn’t threatened when things go downhill, someone who doesn’t flee as soon as they saw your worst state, someone who was able to adapt to the intense waves that kept crashing your way. Someone who’d swim with you against the tides.
I sincerely hope you have someone right now…
Someone who has the initiative to check up on you, on how are you doing, how are you still holding up. Because of all people, they are the ones who know that you aren’t yourself for the past days, weeks, or a couple of months. They know how pretentious you can be in forcing yourself to say ‘I’m ok, I’m fine…” they see beyond your helpless facade and built up walls… They see beyond your fake smile and blurt out words… They see how broken you are, how helpless you are, how vulnerable you are and with that still decides to stay. They let you know that they aren’t going anywhere… They let you know that they still accept you no matter what transformation you’ve been going through.
I sincerely hope you have someone right now…
Because to be honest, I don’t want any other people to go through this shit that I have been experiencing. It’s worse than hell and chaos combined.
Saying that it’s hard is an understatement…
No friends, distant family, yet an ever-present God.
Yet here I go…
I can finally say and refute such claims that…
People who said they aren’t going anywhere?
People who said that they’d stay?
People who said that they got your back?
Such statements and promises were written in water
And gone with the wind.
~H
September 17, 2019
20:34pm
I had to hike to feel again.
These past few months have been very challenging. And I know for sure the coming days, weeks, and months won’t be that easy too.
.
.
I had to hike again, to feel the thundering heartbeat of mine, to remind me that it’s still striving, still beating, still fighting its will to live despite its flawed state.
.
.
I had to hike again, to feel the exhaustion slowly creep at me, to feel a different kind of exhaustion enough to give me a good night’s rest.
.
.
I had to hike again, to experience being breathless, to pause for a while and catch my breath as each climb took its toll on me.
.
.
I had to hike again, because finally, I wanted to be reminded how beautiful this world can be, how our great Maker is exceptionally good when it comes to things… That there’s a lot in store for me in this world, waiting for me to see it.
.
.
I had to hike again, to be immersed with nature, to remind me of my roots. Communing with nature is very therapeutic in nature because it brings you closer to home.
.
.
I had to hike again, because this time I wanted to be closer to the sky, to be closer to You, for a change, although I know You have always been there for me.
.
.
517+ MASL
Mt. Hapunang Banoi
| 08. 26. 19 |
~ H
Arbitrary 